The little mini-mafioso dressed up in disguises so that I wouldn’t be able to pick them out of a lineup and rang my doorbell in broad daylight. When I opened the door, they chimed out with their whiny little bird voices “trick or treat” and held open pillowcases already brimming with sugary booty they scammed from other people on the block.

They think I don’t know who they are behind their masks and makeup but I know who they are and I wrote down their names so that when they grow up and get jobs I can track them down and bill them for the candy they bilked me out of.

These munchkins today get enough free stuff without having to put the arm on upstanding citizens and people on a fixed income when it comes to Halloween. For starters, they get to go to school for free. There is no cost to learn how to read and write yet the little buggers fight their teachers every step of the way. They get a free desk to sit at, free books to draw lewd pictures in, and even free movies to watch during the classes on hygiene and sex education. Free, free, free. Then at recess, they get a free school yard to play in with balls and bats and all sorts of playground equipment that they use for free. They don’t have a worry in the world and all we ask in return is that they learn how to be productive citizens so there is somebody to take over the country when the rest of us croak off and go into real estate.

So these kiddos think they are owed everything. They think the world is their oyster and everything should be handed to them on a silver platter. Well I have news for you little rug rats, the world is not your oyster, it is your bottom feeding mud muncher and it is a cruel and ugly world out there and just because you are getting off Scott free today, don’t think that the gravy train is going to carry you into the future. You have got to work in this country to make a living and it is high time that you started. So Eddie Lubitsch is proposing a new ordinance to make Halloween less like a handout and more like work. It’s called Eddie’s Law and it goes like this.

Next year, on Halloween, you still get to dress up in your funny, or scary, or just plain stupid costumes but it’s no more free lunch for you...although if all you eat for lunch is candy you will eventually get piles and have to go to the hospital where they will do things to you that you won’t even find in a haunted house, so forewarned is forearmed. But I digress.

With Eddie’s Law, if you want to get some candy, you are going to have to work for it. For instance, if you want to jam a Snicker’s bar in your bag, you also have to take a double handful of dead leaves that are currently littering my lawn. Normally I would have to rake the leaves myself and put them in garbage bags to be picked up, but since you are here and you want some goodies, you are going to haul Eddie’s leaves away for him. Show me the leaves in your bag and I will show you the Good N Plenty.

If you don’t want to pick up dead leaves, there are other ways you can earn your prize. I have a lot of junk around my house that needs to go to the dump and I don’t have the time or the pickup truck to get it there. So, for every piece of candy you get, you will also have to cart away some of Eddie’s junk. Maybe it’s a broken toaster, maybe it’s a broken piece of drywall, maybe it’s some old pizza boxes and a sack of coffee grounds. Whatever I have laying around that needs to be pitched, you take it or it’s no sweet treats for you. It is a simple system of give and take.

If you decide in your immature little mush brain that you don’t want to help old Eddie out in this manner, you can still get candy by the simple system of barter and trade. You want my candy and I want something in return so bring along some stuff to swap.

Maybe, before you go out for your night of begging, you should go through daddy’s wallet and take out all of those green pieces of paper he keeps in there. You can’t eat paper you know and even if you could, it wouldn’t taste as good as a sackful of skittles. If there’s no paper in dad’s wallet, look in mom’s kitchen cupboards and see what there is to trade. You don’t like vegetables anyhow so why not swap a can of green beans for an everlasting gobstobbler? It makes sense to me and I bet it makes sense to you to, and that is all I am trying to do is to drive some sense into the youth of America so that they can take over some day...heaven help us.

And it is the fact that I give like this until it hurts, that makes me the last angry lawyer.

That’s all from me for now. Lubitsch over and Lubitsch out.

There are no phone numbers in existence that contain either the pound sign or the star sign but they are still on my phone and I don’t like it. I also have to push more buttons than ever before whenever I make a call. Because we have too many people in this country with far too many phones, I now have to dial a 1 plus the area code even when I am calling within my own area code. What is the purpose of having an area code if I have to use it in my own area? If I am calling my next door neighbor, I have to push eleven buttons, hell, it would be easier to just go next door and push one button...the door bell.

Now, let’s assume that I push all of the necessary buttons to get through to somebody like the electric company, or the post office, or the Center for Senior Incontinence. First of all, nobody is going to answer the phone live, instead I get a recording that makes me press more buttons. First, I have to press 1 to continue in English. Excuse me, but I thought I was placing a call in America for crying out loud. And in America English is the default language, so I shouldn’t have to press another button just to get the same language I already speak. If you want to make your recording multi-lingual, good for you, but make them press more buttons, not me, a red blooded English speaking American.

After I press the button to speak English, I have to press more buttons depending on who I want to talk to. For service, press one; for repairs, press two, for sales, press three, for the person who concocted this system, press 666. I get so upset about pressing buttons on my phone that I just want to relax with a cup of coffee, but to make a cup of coffee, I have to press more buttons.

I have to press a button to grind the coffee, press a button to brew the coffee, and press yet another button to open the garage door so that I can get in my car and go down to the 7-11 to buy a cup of coffee because I obviously don’t know what the hell I am doing in the kitchen because I forgot to put the coffee pot under the spout where the coffee comes out and now I have the Hill’s Brothers flowing all over the floor.

So I turn on the TV set by PRESSING A BUTTON and change the channel by pressing more buttons and if I don’t press the right buttons the TV goes blank or switches to the VCR or locks onto Telemundo so I can’t understand a darn thing so I try to press 1 for English but that doesn’t work now.

So I leave the TV running amuck and try my luck on the computer but now I am faced with nothing but buttons. I have buttons on the keyboard, buttons on the mouse, buttons, buttons, buttons, it is enough to make me lose my buttons...or my marbles, I don’t even know which one I have any more.

You know what I think of when I hear the words, “Push Button Remote”, I think it means Push Over Remote because the company that makes them thinks I am a pushover because I am using their remote...or so they think. Maybe, I am actually going over to the TV or the Radio and turning it on without using their stinking remote? Maybe I just press the buttons on the TV itself and to hell with their push over remote control. Eddie Lubitsch isn’t a pushover and I don’t need their buttons. I will press the buttons while standing next to the TV set, just like may grandfather did...or would have done had he not died before TV was invented but you know what I mean. I can completely eliminate one set of buttons from my life and if I think about it, I can eliminate some more.

For starters, the doorbell is no longer an option at the Lubitsch estate. If you want to come in you are going to have to use your bare knuckles to knock on my aluminum screen door, so try to knock on the frame instead of the screen part because that doesn’t make any noise and you might punch a hole in it, thus letting flies and mosquitoes inside so I have go and get the can of Raid to kill them and the only way I can activate it is by...PRESSING THE BUTTON – thus eliminating any button gain I had made.

I am even considering having my navel removed with a navelectomy so that I won’t have a belly button any more, but I’ll still have a hot button and somebody is pressing it.

I tell you John, I am ready to press the panic button because we have too many buttons, and the one that worries me most is the one that is in the White House, you know, the button that, when pressed, will launch nuclear missiles – or in the words of the monkey who has his finger on that button – Nuke-ular missiles thus bringing an effective end to life as we know it and I for one am not ready to place a call to the grim reaper quite yet, and, in fact, couldn’t if I wanted to because I don’t know what buttons to press to get a hold of him. So maybe I should just button my lip and slip on a button down collar and stop buttin in to everybody else’s business, but if I did that, I would no longer be known as the Last Angry Lawyer.

That’s all from me for now. Lubitsch over and Lubitsch out.

Not only will Bill not have any input into how the country is run into the ground, but my guess is that he will be sleeping on the presidential couch and taking his meals in his room. And has anybody given any thought to what it would be like to have a girl president in this country? We have had men presidents for our entire history and now, all of a sudden, everybody thinks a woman prez would be a good idea. Personally, I think it would be too big of a shock to our political system, to go from a history of all men to a woman. I think the transition from a man to a woman needs to be a little more gradual. I think we should first elect a transvestite and see how that works out.

If I were Barack Obama or John Edwards, I would push the fact that Hillary is a woman to the max. I’d ask questions like, “What’s going to happen when she meets the queen of England? Is she going to bow? Are they going to shake hands? Or are they going to hug each other and scream Girl Power?”

Now, on to the Republicans, who seem to be about as organized as Siamese twins in a hockey game. These mopes have no idea what they are doing. First of all, the leading contenders are Fred Thomson, Rudy Giulianni, and John McCain, who between them, they have had eight wives. The other front runner is Mitt Romney, the Mormon, who ironically is the only guy to have only one wife. And among Rudy and Fred and John, Oh My, the wives they currently have are of the trophy variety, younger than them and hotter than they deserve. What’s it going to be like to have these babes prancing around the White House and doing lunch with their girlfriends. It will be like Sex In The City without a plot line I tell you.

And as far as Romney is concerned, he has to do something about his name to even have a chance in this election. No voter who gives it a second thought is going to elect a guy named Mitt. I can see it now. They will be calling him President Glove. And what’s going to happen on opening day of baseball season. Are we really going to go for President Mitt, putting on his mitt, and tossing out the first pitch. No, it’s too cartoonish. He would have a much better chance if he changed his name to something more masculine...like Hillary.

Then there are the independent candidates of which I am the leading contender. I make that statement because as of yet, I don’t have a clue as to who else is out there so I am making my stand as the independent front runner, and if you elect me president, I can promise you that things are going to be different.

For starters, I’m not even going t move into the White house. With the kids out of the house, Estelle and I don’t need that much room. So we will just stay in out little bungalow in Peoria and run the country from there. What better place to have your finger on the pulse of the action than in America’s heartland. We could then lease out the White House as high price condos and make enough money to put a dent in the national debt.

This brings me to another problem we have, taxes. Oh I know nobody likes to talk about taxes and nobody likes to pay taxes, but according to the other candidates running for office, an increase in taxes is the only thing we can do to get more money into the government. The problem with these people is that they just aren’t thinking, and thinking is one of the things a president should be able to do. If we need more money to run the country, all we have to do is do what any other red blooded American family would do if they need a little extra money. We’ll hold a national garage sale.

We have a lot of stuff currently clogging up our archives, our museums, and our national basement, so I say put it all out on the White House lawn and invite the citizens to go shopping. Some idiot paid three quarters of a million dollars for Barry Bonds home run ball, just think how much he’ll pay for an original copy of the Bill of Rights, or Dolly Madison’s cookie recipe, or even Monica Lewinski’s blue dress. We have a veritable treasure trove on our hands and it is time to cash in.

So when you go to the polls next year, think twice about who you want to lead our country; a boring, crooked, and somewhat slimy politician...or Eddie Lubitsch, the last angry lawyer.

That’s all from me for now. Lubitsch over and Lubitsch out.

I can feel your pain Pudge, but I can also feel the strain on your pants. I was once a blubber butt myself but one day I woke up with my face in a fudge brownie and as I licked the frosting from my fingers, I knew I had to do something...and so do you. So, if you want to help the world by freeing up more oxygen for the rest of us, here’s what you need to do.

First, I want you to take a good look at yourself naked in a mirror. What do you see? Who knows because your wide load is unviewable in a regular full length mirror. In order to see both sides of your body at the same time, you would have to stand a mile away. An alternative is to look at your self naked in a full length three-way mirror but you might get asked to leave Nordstroms immediately.

Now that you have a better idea of how hefty you are, it’s time to change your eating habits. First off, I’m going to cut you down to three meals a day. No more snacks, no more between meal meals, no more midnight noshing. You get three meals and you can eat all you want. You just have to eat with different utensils.

All soup and cereal, for instance, must be eaten with a fork. Spaghetti is eaten using only one chopstick. And a T-bone steak must be eaten with a plastic spoon. No fingers, no help, and no pushing your snout into the plate either. After 30 minutes or so of trying to get a mouthful of chow into your choppers, you will give up. Net intake, zero calories.

Next, you’ve got to exercise. You have to burn some blubber by moving more than your thumb on the remote control. First, you have to walk. I suggest you walk at least two miles a day, and after two weeks, you will be 28 miles from home and much thinner. You also have to lift a few weights, and not the 12 ounce canned variety. You’ve got to start yanking some barbells and pressing some dead weight. I’d tell you to do a pushup or two but we have to start small, and there is nothing on you that is small, Fats.

You’re going to have to start eating stuff that is good for you too. Pizza, for instance is no good. It’s high in calories, high in fat, and has zero grams of fiber. And fiber is important, especially when you’re my age and a bowel movement becomes a major part of your day. So you can still order a pie but don’t eat the pizza, just eat the box. It will have some pizza flavor and it is nothing but fiber.

The most important step in Eddie’s weight loss program is that in order for you to lose weight, you have to look thinner right off the bat. You want to think that you are making immediate progress and that’s where our secret ingredient comes into play. When you sign up for Eddie’s Weight Loss treatment, we send three men over to your house to wrap your body in duct tape. They will pull, and strain, and stretch and will wrap your full massiveness like a mummy until you look 30 pounds thinner. Of course, it will be impossible for you to move, so you will not be able to eat and thus the weight will melt right off. Plus, when you finally remove the tape, you get a full body waxing for free.

Of course, I know that none of this is going to be easy but when you are finally able to get on a fortune-telling scale and not have the card come out reading, “One At A Time”, you will be very happy. You’ll be able to stand in the sun and not cast a shadow that others seek out to escape the heat. You will be able to fit in a vehicle that doesn’t have 18 wheels. You will be able to see your feet. It will be a glorious day.

So start right now. Back away from that Ho Ho. Put the Big Mac back in the bag. Dump the donuts in the dust bin, and start living life as a normal sized person. And when you get there, remember that you have Eddie Lubitsch to thank. And if you follow all of my tips and still don’t lose weight, well, then, I guess I’ll have to eat my words...which have no calories and are fat free.

And over consumption, is one of the things that makes me the last angry lawyer.

That’s all from me for now. Lubitsch over and Lubitsch out.

Ahmadinejad – whose name translates to “So full of crap that my eyes are brown” also wants more research done on the Holocaust because he doesn’t think it really happened. Well, Mahmoudy, if it didn’t happen, Persia never became Iran, and you were never born. You are a dingus sir and there is nothing you can do or say that will convince me otherwise. And quite honestly, I don’t care that you are a dingus. What bothers me is that you are doing your best to convince millions of others to follow you in your dingus-ness. So let’s face the facts.

First, you do not live in a peace loving nation as you claim. You live in a sand filled hell hole chocked full of people who hate everybody and everything because you tell them to. If you really want to do something nice for your people why don’t you let them go dancing, or have a toga party, or put in a water park for crying out loud so at least they can cool off from the lead-melting heat you people have over there.

Second, you know and we know that you are not going to use enriched uranium for peaceful energy production. What do you need energy for? So that your citizens can power up their pool filters, and HiDef TVs and computers with access to the internet? I don’t think so. Your power needs could be met by a hamster on an exercise wheel.

And speaking of power, don’t you think it would have been a good idea for a man of your position to address the United Nations – the only thing standing between you and a mushroom cloud – while wearing a tie? You looked like a bum for crying out loud. We have street people here in the US of A who dress better than you. And every one of our homosexuals dresses better than you – you can make book on that.

And how about learning a little bit of the language Abdul? When John F Kennedy spoke to the East Germans in 1962, he at least learned enough German to say “Ich bin ein Berliner” so I think you could at least learn a couple of English phrases like “How’s it goin’?” or “Go Cubs” but noooo. You are too freaking lazy or too busy repressing your own people to do that.

We know that you hate us and you know what? The feeling is mutual. And not only do we know that you hate us, we know why you hate us. You hate us because in our country we are allowed to have fun. That’s right, fun, something you and your fellow countrymen know nothing about. I know you don’t have any fun because you told us yourself. I know for a fact that you have no entertainment. Why? Because you have no homosexuals. There is no way you can have any type of theater scene with no gay people. You’d have no set dressers, no costume designers, and of course, no male dancers.

I know you don’t have fun things like casinos, or theme parks, or even Stuckey’s for crying out loud. How can you call yourself a civilization without Stuckeys? For all I know, there aren’t even any Starbucks in your country and that is a sad sad thing.

And I won’t even get started on your women but I think it’s is safe to say that Miss Iran never has to worry about what she is going to wear to the Miss Universe pageant.

You people need to lighten up. You need to get some good old brainless reality TV over there in Camelville. How about “Milking Sheep With The Stars” or “Wife Swap – Irani Edition”. No, that wouldn’t be any good because in those burkas everybody looks alike and they’re not allowed to talk, so with no difference, it would be a dumb idea.

I know, what about your own edition of “Survivor”? We drop the bomb and you try to avoid getting voted off the planet.

Here’s another hot idea. Open a comedy club so your people can get a chuckle or two. You could be the emcee and I’ll even give you an opening joke. “My nephew is only 9 years old and already he’s a terrorist fighting the infidels. Ah, they blow up so fast.” Why don’t you stick that in your water pipe and choke it, or better yet, let me come over and choke you myself, because I am Eddie Lubitsch, the last angry lawyer.

That’s all from me for now. Lubitsch over and Lubitsch out.

If Vick fails another drug test he will likely end up in jail like his co-defendant Quanis Phillips who has been incarcerated since his August 17 plea hearing.

Phillips failed a drug test when he had the electronic monitoring and drug testing requirements.

Judge Hudson can take the violation of conditions of release into consideration when he sentences Vick. Vick faces up to five years in federal prison on the charges on which he is awaiting sentencing.

If this were not enough problems for Vick, the Commonwealth of Virginia has filed state charges on Vick that mirror the presently pending federal matter.

The accuser, Elissa Wall testified that Jeffs told her she must marry her 19 year old first cousin, Allen Steed whom she disliked. To defy Jeffs meant darkness and virtual excommunication from the church.

A few weeks later according to her account, Steed said it was time “to be a wife and do your duty.”

After they consummated the marriage he fell asleep, she swallowed two bottles of pain pills.

On Wednesday, prosecutors filed rape charges against Steed a day after Jeffs’ conviction.

The case will be tried again. There is no way that the prosecution would dismiss a case that receive 10 votes for guilty.

When the case is retried the prosecution will most likely do two things differently … they will widen the latitude of their theory to include scenarios much like those the judge described in his modified instruction given after the initial 7-5 deadlock was announced… and, the prosecution will almost assuredly ask for lesser included instructions to increase the probability of a final conviction.

The defense on the other hand will continue to emphasis the crime scene evidence and perhaps modify their witness list to include some additional forensics experts and to exclude some of the witnesses that made a poor impression on the observing public.

The next trial can be expected to commence no sooner than a year from now.

After the officer had Sutherland perform certain field sobriety tests the officer determined he had probable cause to arrest Sutherland for driving under the influence.

A breath test showed Sutherland exceeded the state’s .08 B.A.C.

Because Sutherland has a prior DUI in November 2004, this case could result in up to one year in jail and up to a $1,000 fine.

The Los Angeles City Attorney will file charges and then Sutherland will have to decide if he will enter a plea or dispute the charges.

The prosecutor argued that the only reason the teenager had sex with her cousin is because her “prophet” Jeffs commanded her to do so.

Jeffs’ defense lawyer argued that the accuser is far from a victim and is really pursuing this case so that she can file an eventual civil lawsuit and get a large monetary return.

Jeffs’ faces five years to life in prison on two counts of rape as an accomplice.

The accuser’s ex-husband Allen Steed testified in the trial that his religion did not condone the use of force and that his ex-wife, in fact, initiated their first sexual encounter.

“They prosecuted Warren Jeffs for rape because he is the leader of a religious group that the state does not approve of” his defense lawyer stated in the closing arguments.

Unfortunately for Rather, he publicly took personal responsibility for the inaccuracies and it was widely reported at the time that he firmly believed in the truth of the story and was not interested in researching the story any further.

CBS commissioned an independent panel to determine the source of the story’s problems. The panel concluded that the story was neither fair or accurate. As a result CBS fired the story’s producer, asked for resignation of three executives and eventually accepted Rather’s resignation in the aftermath.

Legal experts don’t give Mr. Rather a high probability of success in this lawsuit.

Judge Fidler originally contemplated adding a lesser included manslaughter instruction but ultimately decided against doing so. Instead the judge crafted his own new instruction to replace the pin-point instruction in Defense Special Instruction #3.

The new instruction gives examples of how Spector may be found guilty of 2nd degree murder without the jury finding the prosecution’s version of the case to be true.

Most legal experts this modification of instructions is disastrous if deliberations result in a conviction.

Whether it is a mistrial or a reversal on appeal, the Phil Spector trial will most likely take all over again.

Superior Court Judge, Scott Gordon found that “Based on the evidence presented the court finds that there is a habitual frequent and continuance use of controlled substances and alcohol."

The judge also ordered Spears to meet eight hours per week with a “parenting coach.” The coach will observe and report back to the court about her parenting skills.

Both Britney and Kevin Federline have been ordered not to make any derogatory remarks about each other in front of the children.

If her custody battle was not difficult enough, on Friday, September 21st the L.A. City Attorney charged Britney with hit and run. She could face up to six-months in jail and up to a $1,000 fine.

The hit and run victim Kim Robard-Rifkin, told police all she wanted was for her car to be fixed.

One additional problematic development for Britney, her management firm recently dropped her after her performance at the MTV Video Awards.

More to come.

But I digress.

The fact of the matter is that OJ is back in the news and he will stay in the news until his trial, and then he will become his own reality show called, Who Wants A Piece Of Me.

Speaking of TV, I have discovered a rather disturbing fact this week that I wish to share with the American public for the first time. Last week, we all saw the latest video tape of Osama Bin Laden, making his predictions for the college football season...or whatever the hell he said. Who knows for sure? Then, today, I saw a just released video of Fidel Castro, whom we have not heard a word out of for quite some time. And I couldn’t understand what he said either.

And then, it struck me like a slap in the face with a wet mackerel. Osama bin Laden and Fidel Castro are the same guy. Look at them side by side; slap a turban on Castro and trim up Bin Laden’s beard; and you’ve got twins. The two biggest pains in our collective rear ends are the same guy and we only see him on video tape. I am seeing a wag the dog symptom at work here.

If Bin Laden and Castro are the same guy, who else is in on the scam? What about that guy from the Home Improvement? The next door neighbor who never revealed his mug to the public? Or, maybe, just maybe, OJ is behind this whole thing and for that reason alone he should be locked away with Robert Blake, but once again, I digress.

The main thing I want to tell you John is that I am worried. I am worried about the state of the economy and the simple observation that we don’t even realize that we have all been placed in a handbasket and that we are heading to a place even hotter than the desert.

The stock market is a mess. It’s up and down more often than Paris Hilton’s party dress, and one of these days, it’s going to break all together.

And the poor kids, nowadays, they have it rougher than anybody. You give the child a toy to play with today, and tomorrow you find out that the Chinese painted it with lead and you have to take it away and give the child a different toy...from China...and the dilemma repeats.

And on top of all of this, the mortgage market is collapsing because the lenders thought that just because you didn’t make much money was no reason not to give you a $500,000 loan. What were they thinking? That everybody they loaned money to was either going to become a CEO or win the big bucks on Deal or No deal?

It’s basic economics as espoused by the late great William Shakespeare, who although he used a lot of clichés, hit the nail on the head when he said “Neither a borrower nor a sub-prime lender be.”

But most of all John, I am worried about the future...the future of our greatest natural resource...celebrities. Our celebs are dropping like flies with Nicole Richie preggers, Britney Spaniel going to jail, Lindsay Lohan and Owen Wilson sharing a spike together. Before you know it, we will be completely out of young vivacious stars and starlets and then...out of the ashes....will arise the spawn of Satan, otherwise known as Michael Jackson’s children.

Mark my words, but when all of our celebrities are either dead or in rehab, Prince, and Paris, and Blanket will burst onto the scene with their grossly misshapen and disfigured old man to take the celeb world by storm.

And speaking of the King of Poop, did you ever notice that all of his facial features are interchangeable...like a Mr. Potato Head. He can change noses, ears, and beards at will. That’s right, I said beards, just like Osama Bin Laden and Fidel Castro wear. In fact, who’s to say that the videos we have been seeing of Ossie and Fidel haven’t been produced by somebody else altogether, somebody who has a lot of money, and video production knowledge, and lives overseas, and has a chip on his shoulder the size of Bubbles the monkey.

That’s right my friends, the perpetrator of fear in this country is none other that Michael Jackson...who you will notice, is never seen in the same picture as OJ Simpson and has been known, on occasion, to only wear one glove. Ladies and gentlemen of the jury, I rest my case and trust that you will take this conspiracy case for what it is, the ranting of the last angry lawyer.

That’s all from me for now. Lubitsch over and Lubitsch out.

Bail was set by the court at $125,000.

$125,000 bail can be posted by cash or the use of a bail bondsman. If cash is posted the court has the right to inquire into the source of the cash. Most likely Simpson would have a friend put up the cash.

If a bond is posted (this appears to be what is happening in the case) the bail bondsman involved would want $125,000 of collateral and a 10% premium or $12,500. The $12,500 would most likely come from a Simpson friend or supporter.

Simpson could use his house for collateral and contrary to commentaries of uninformed analysts his house in Florida would not be subject to the Goldman/Brown civil judgment.

Simpson’s release does not restrict him to the state of Nevada, although the court ordered his passport surrendered to his attorney so Simpson would have to stay on the continental United States.

Simpson was also ordered as a condition of his release that he not make any contact of any kind with the alleged victims in the case.

No electronic monitoring device on Simpson will be required by the court.

PRELIMINARY HEARING AND TRIAL

The Simpson preliminary hearing is presently set for mid-October.

Given the complexities of the case it is most likely that the date will be continued well into the future.

A preliminary hearing is a probable cause hearing to determine if there is sufficient evidence to go forward on a felony jury trial.

Once a preliminary hearing has been completed, assuming there is sufficient evidence to support probable cause of the charges, a trial date will be set.

Jury trial is expected to be one or two years away.

In assembling a trial team on this matter it appears that Simpson’s present attorney, Yale Gallanter will be the lead counsel. Additional members of the defense team will most likely include a local Las Vegas criminal lawyer, a research lawyer, a seasoned criminal investigator, and a litigation consultant.

Defense team costs range between $500,000 and $2,000,000.

DEFENSES

Simpson can argue that he was engaging in a legal recapture of personal property. In order for this defense to be proven Simpson must show that he had a good faith belief the property he went to acquire was his.

For this defense to be complete Simpson must additionally show that he did not know that members of his “Posse” were carrying weapons or intended to use weapons.

The audiotape of the confrontation may show that persons other than Simpson wielded the weapons and ordered the alleged victims to stand up against the wall.

Simpson’s defense must argue that he did not expect things to go as far as they did. He only went there to retrieve property that was rightfully his.

Simpson can also argue that the alleged victims’ versions of the facts are not reliable because of their previous criminal records.

There may also be an issue of a “set up” by witness Tom Riccio.

No allegations of actual physical violence have been made.

Federal involvement is not anticipated.

Simpson is not alleged to have personally used a weapon so the weapon charges that are related to him are based on vicarious liability.

Simpson claims he was there to recapture his own personal property in the form of sports memorabilia.  If this can be proven to be true he may have a defense.

It is alleged, however, that other property not belonging to OJ Simpson was taken by one of Simpson’s “Posse”.

Simpson will be held in the Clark County Detention Center until a video arraignment tomorrow morning.

The Detention Center personnel will make an assessment based on the charges to determine an appropriate bail.

If bail has not been set by detention personnel before tomorrow’s arraignment the question of bail will be taken up by the Judge.

Simpson like any citizen has the right to a reasonable bail based on the charges brought against him.

The court has the right to inquire of any source of any cash or collateral used for Simpson’s bail.

If Simpson were to use his Florida home for collateral such use would not expose his home to the Goldman/Brown judgment.

The real questions posed in this case are:

• Did Simpson have a good faith belief that he was going to retrieve or recapture his own personal property?
• Did Simpson know that some members of his “Posse” were armed with weapons?
• Did Simpson encourage or participate in the taking of the property he knew was not his own?
• What is a reasonable bail given the facts of this case and given Simpson’s personal history?
• Can OJ Simpson get a fair trial on these charges in Nevada or anywhere else in America?

On September 1, 2007 Senator Craig announced his intention to resign from the U.S. Senate.

During this last week Craig has received advice and counsel from Senate Judiciary Committee Member Senator Arlen Spector suggesting that Craig withdraw his guilty plea and fight the case.

Craig’s representatives have now announced that Craig may choose to fight the case in the Minnesota Courts, to vigorously defend himself in a Senate Ethics Committee Hearing, and to clear his name so that he can run again for the Senate. To this end he has hired well known Washington DC lawyer Billy Martin, (yes, Michael Vick’s lawyer).

Fat chance he will be able to withdraw his guilty plea. If a member of the U.S. Senate does not understand what it means to plead guilty and waive his constitutional rights, then how can we expect any guilty plea in the country in any court to withstand a request for withdrawal?

If somehow, Craig’s plea gets withdrawn, the initial charges of soliciting sex would be reinstated and litigation would be an embarrassing mess not only for Craig but also for the Republican Party.

Spector is charged with murder in the death of Lana Clarkson in February of 2003.

The prosecution argues that Phil Spector held a gun in Lana Clarkson’s mouth which he either intentionally discharged or accidentally discharged in conscious disregard for her life.

The most powerful prosecution evidence includes statements from women who have in the past been terrorized by Spector after an evening of excessive drinking and his statement “I think I killed somebody” … pretty powerful!

The defense argument focused on the crime scene evidence which showed that Spector had no gun shot residue, no blood spatter, and no tissue on his right arm and his torso where you expect to see such evidence if the prosecution scenario is accurate.

This case is a toss-up. It will be interesting to see how long it takes a jury to come to a conclusion … if they can.

Most probable outcome … Hung Jury!

Officers noticed an odor of an alcoholic beverage emitting from her vehicle.

Storms was asked to submit to a series of field sobriety tests. Officers concluded that they had probable cause to arrest her for driving under the influence.

She was taken to the Van Nuys Jail at 4:26 am and subsequently released several hours later on $5,000 bail.

She is due to appear in court on October 2, 2007 for Arraignment.

There are serious questions about the capabilities of the Portuguese Police. A rumor has been floated that McCan was offered a two year plea bargain to admit guilt in the case. The offer was rejected.

Understanding developments in this story are hampered by translation difficulties involving Portuguese legal terms being translated into English legal terms.

New developments are pending.

Lohan's attorney negotiated a plea agreement which calls for a dismissal of possession of cocaine charges, summary probation on the DUI charges, appropriate terms and conditions and one day custody in the L.A. County Jail.

Her lawyer did a great job for her although plea agreements of this kind are not uncommon in L.A. County when the average non--celebrity defendant is involved.

Nicole Richie ... pled guilty to a second time DUI involving drugs.

Richie was sentenced to serve the minimum 96 hours in jail custody with six hours credit already having been served.

Richie surrendered for 96 hours jail time and was released 82 minutes later because of jail overcrowding.

Richie's attorney did a great job for her as well, however, her sentence was representative of what average non-celebrity defendants receive in L.A. County.

Paris Hilton ... Having seen the sentences received by Nicole Richie and Lindsay Lohan even the most ill informed court watchers now understand the sentence imposed on Paris Hilton was not reflective in any way of the kind of sentence that is routinely imposed on non-celebrity defendants.

Paris Hilton has demonstrated throughout her jail sentence ordeal a new level of character and responsibility. She should congratulated for her mature adult approach to her difficulties.

Britney Spears ... Who would have believed that Kevin Federline appears to be the more responsible adult in the custody battle for the children he shares with Britney Spears?

Spears and Federline will battle over child custody in L.A. Superior Court over the next several months.

All eyes will be on both of them to determine who appears to represent the most responsible parent in the best interest of their children.

In the same court hearing the court considered a motion to suppress some of her statements she made when she was arrested.

The court has taken both requests under submission and will rule on each in the near future.

The constitutionality of this order is highly questionable. However, McLellan's response is to leave the state and to return to the Seattle, Washington area where he lives with his parents or possibly to take up residence in another state.

McLellan has never been arrested or prosecuted for any criminal conduct. His website which has been removed from the host server for the last month drew media attention because it was a "how to" website for men to seek out and observe little girls.

The verdict in the Spector will turn on the crime scene evidence. Stunning developments in this area have taken place over the past two weeks.

Dr. Michael Baden introduced a new defense theory that Lana Clarkson may have lived a short time after the bullet was fired making possible the proposition that she expectorated blood on Spector's jacket.

The prosecution was taken by surprise by Baden's testimony. The court scolded Spector's defense team for failing to share this new theory with the prosecution before Baden testified.

In rebuttal prosecution offered the testimony of John Andrews a Forensic Neuropathologist who examined Clarkson's brain and spinal cord as a consultant to the L.A. County Coroner. He testified that Clarkson could not have breathed, coughed, spit or sneezed after she was shot.

Court watchers expect the trial to conclude within days. Closing arguments are scheduled for mid-September.

President Bush stated today that he thought Gonzales was a victim of partisan political attacks and that Gonzales was good and honorable man who received unjust criticism.

Bush now must name a successor to Gonzales. Whoever is nominated will face a contentious confirmation process.

The only surprise to Washington insiders was that the secret of Gonzales' resignation was kept between Friday and today.

Last week Vick's lawyers negotiated the plea agreement which calls for a 12-18 month range in sentencing and also includes a provision for Vick's cooperation with Federal Prosecutors.

Vick's sentencing is scheduled for December 10, 2007.

Between now and his sentencing date a pre-sentence report will be prepared by Federal Probation Authorities. Also, the plea agreement provides that Vick will meet with Federal Prosecutors and brief them of his knowledge of the facts in his case and any other information the U.S. Attorneys might find useful in prosecuting any other individuals for these and other crimes.

Michael Vick's NFL career is up in the air now until his case is resolved and final sentence is imposed.

He has been indefinitely suspended by the NFL and it has been rumored that the Atlanta Falcons may seek to retrieve some or all of his recent $44 million signing bonus.

The level of Vick's cooperation with the U.S. Attorney may be the key to whether or not Vick can resurrect his NFL career.

Lohan was released after posting $25,000 bail.

Initial reports suggest that she was stopped by law enforcement in a white Denali that was chasing a Cadillac Escalade.

Lohan was scheduled was scheduled to appear on the Tonight Show this evening, however, chances are slim that she will be spending any time with Jay Leno tonight.

A sophisticated alcohol monitoring device called a SCRAM was supposedly worn around her ankle although the company that monitors the SCRAM bracelet was not alerted by Lohan’s use of alcohol.

The maximum penalty for a 2nd DUI is 1 year in County Jail and fines up to $1,000.

The cocaine possession charge will probably be resolved with a drug diversion program pursuant to California PC1000 as the amount was a small usable amount.

August 24th is the date scheduled for Lohan to appear in Court on her first DUI.

Most likely the arraignment for this new matter will be scheduled some time in September.

Lindsay Lohan now needs an experienced DUI lawyer to insure that she does not receive the kind of harsh treatment meted out recently to Paris Hilton.

As new details emerge we will follow up with additional comments and insights.

Jody “Baby Doll” Gibson an alleged Madame, who was convicted in 2000 of pimping claimed that Lana Clarkson worked for her as a prostitute. Gibson was ordered not to make any comments in this regard while the Phil Spector is still being pending. The authority for the Judge to make such an order arises out of the fact that she is a potential witness in the case who may be called in the event that Phil Spector testifies.

James Pex, the retired director of the Oregon State Police Crime Lab is testifying as an expert witness on behalf of the defense. He has testified that the crime scene investigation was shoddy and that the manner in which luminol was used by the investigating agencies in this matter undermine the possibility of finding blood spatter. Pex testifies that the blood spatter could have flown the six feet that the defense alleges which would put Spector out of range to personally shoot Lana Clarkson.

The big issue now in the Phil Spector case is whether or not Spector will take the witness stand and testify in his own defense. Some argue his quirky personality could undermine his defense. Others argue that without his testimony his chances of an acquittal are improbable.

LOS ANGELES - Paris Hilton's cool, glamorous image evaporated Friday when she showed up in court disheveled, with no makeup, her hair askew and her face red with tears as her lawyers pleaded for her to remain under house arrest.

Crying out for her mother when she was ordered back to jail, she gave the impression of a little girl list in the mysteries of the legal system that sent her to jail, released her and sent her back again.

"It's not right," shouted the weeping Hilton. "Mom," she called out to her mother, Kathy Hilton, who was also in tears.

Read more...

Hilton had served just three of her 45 day sentence before LA Sheriff Lee Baca released her because of an undisclosed medical condition.

Just another example of a high profile celebrity getting off easy?

 Local attorney John Patrick Dolan says no. Last night Bill O’Reilly drilled him on “The O’Reilly Show” about celebrity justice and Baca’s soft hand with the rich and powerful.

“This is a ridiculous, extreme sentence because of who she is,” Dolan said.

Dolan has been a criminal law attorney specializing in DUI cases since 1978. His office is in Indio. He regularly makes appearances on Fox News and Court TV.

Read more...

• September 26, 2006 – Hilton is charged with misdemeanor Driving Under the Influence.
• January 9, 2007 – A Not Guilty plea is entered on behalf of Hilton.
• January 15, 2007 – Hilton is pulled over by California Highway Patrol and is informed that her license is suspended. She signs a document acknowledging that she is not to drive until her license is properly issued… Note: This is before she is placed on probation.
• January 22, 2007 – Hilton pleads guilty to a reduced charge of alcohol related reckless driving.
• February 27, 2007 – Hilton is cited for a misdemeanor driving on a suspended license.
• March 29, 2007 – The L.A. City Attorney’s Office petitions the court to revoke Hilton’s probation. The basis of the violation of probation petition was that Hilton failed to register in the court required alcohol awareness program and the February citation for driving under a suspended license. It should be noted that she was eligible to have her license reissued on a restricted basis but as of February 27th she had not done so because she had not enrolled in the alcohol awareness program.
• May 3, 2007 – The Prosecution recommends in a 16-page brief that Hilton serve 45 days in jail for the probation violation… Note: A written brief 16-pages is unheard of for a misdemeanor probation violation.
• May 4, 2007 – Judge Michael Sauer sentences Hilton to 45 days in jail.
• June 3, 2007 – Hilton reports to jail to serve her sentence.
• June 7, 2007 – Hilton is released from jail for an undisclosed medical problem and ordered to serve her sentence on home confinement. Later that day Judge Sauer orders her to return to court on June 8th.
• June 8, 2007 – Paris Hilton is ordered to complete the remainder of her sentence in the L.A. County Jail. As she stood before the judge on this day she had been enrolled in the alcohol awareness program and her license had been reissued, although it seems that this did not make an impression on the court.
• June 11, 2007 – Hilton abandons her appeal of the sentence.

The bottom line here is that Paris Hilton was sentenced in a harsher fashion that anyone in Southern California based on the facts of this case.

By contrast, Michelle Delgadillo, the wife of L.A. City Attorney Rockey Delgadillo who is prosecuting the case against Paris Hilton, was cited for driving on a suspended license in 2005 and received a $186 fine!

Matthew Winkler was shot to death in March 2006 in the home the couple shared with their three daughters.

In April, Mary Winkler was tried for first-degree murder. The jury found her guilty of the lesser crime of voluntary manslaughter. During the trial, Winkler testified about mental and physical abuse she received at the hands of her husband.

She told investigators she accidentally shot her husband after a night of arguing over money and other family matters.

Paris Hilton’s lawyers knew that she would receive this kind of treatment which made it easy for them to agree with her PR representatives in advising Paris to withdraw her appeal and agree to “do her time like anyone else”.

Paris Hilton was reassigned to a home detention monitoring program, also referred to as “Sheriff’s Parole”, at 2:09 am today.

She was transported early this morning to an undisclosed location and transferred to her lawyer’s custody and then taken to her home where she will spend the next 40 days on home detention.

Late Thursday, Judge Michael T. Sauer issued an Order to Show Cause why Sheriff Baca should not be held in contempt of court for releasing Hilton on home detention contrary to the court’s explicit orders.

Hilton is to be transported by LA County Sheriffs to attend this hearing. The City Attorney will argue that Hilton should be recommitted to the LA County Jail.

Hilton’s defense team will no doubt argue that Hilton is being victimized by this struggle between the court and the LA County Sheriff.

The Judge at sentencing denied an appeal bond so that Libby could remain free pending appeal but the Judge gave defense lawyers leave to file briefs to reconsider the question of bail on appeal.

President Bush could pardon Libby, but will probably wait to learn the outcome of the anticipated request for bail on appeal.

Paris Hilton’s lawyers knew that she would receive this kind of treatment which made it easy for them to agree with her PR representatives in advising Paris to withdraw her appeal and agree to “do her time like anyone else”.

Paris Hilton was reassigned to a home detention monitoring program, also referred to as “Sheriff’s Parole”, at 2:09 am today.

She was transported early this morning to an undisclosed location and transferred to her lawyer’s custody and then taken to her home where she will spend the next 40 days on home detention.

Today Prosecution and Defense argued over whether or not Lana Clarkson’s diary which included statements involving depression, unhappiness, and delusional conversations with the dead would be admissible and usable as a basis for cross examination of the doctor’s opinion.

In the meantime, D. Henry Lee has released a statement defending himself against attacks on his character and veracity. Lee says he is being slandered by attacks on his handling of evidence and he believes the motive is to undermine his upcoming testimony on behalf of the defense.

The trial is expected to continue through June and July.

Lohan’s estranged father, Michael Lohan says she suffers from multiple addictions including alcohol and the painkiller oxyCotin.

Before entering rehab, the actress was scheduled to start work on “Poor Things”, a comedy featuring Shirley McClain.

The results of the blood test taken after her accident will determine what if any charges will be filed against her.

Hilton now is in the SB1176 Alcohol Program and has had her license reissued.

Driver, Adriano De Souza, testified before the jury that he heard Phil Spector say “I think I killed somebody.”

De Souza said he didn’t know what to do. He tried to run and then realized he had the car.

Ultimately, De Souza called the 911 Operator and said “I think my boss killed somebody.”

The prosecution wants the jury to believe that Phil Spector stuck a gun in Lana Clarkson’s mouth and killed her.

The defense counters with the GSR and blood spatter evidence arguing that Spector could not have been closer than 5 or 6 feet when the gun went off.

If the scientific evidence presented by the defense is believed by the jury the value of the prior conduct evidence is dramatically diminished to nothing other than “interesting information”.

A first degree murder that meets certain special circumstances … in this case, the death of fire fighters in the performance of their duty … can be alleged as a death penalty case.

It is unlikely that the trial in this matter will get underway before next year.

Most likely Hutton’s next move will be to file a Motion for Reconsideration on the probation violation sentence.

June 5, 2007 is the scheduled surrender date for Hilton. Most likely between now and then, Hutton will get into court and do what is necessary to resolve the matter.

Generally speaking, in circumstances such as this, most Judges would relent and eliminate the jail sentence. It remains to be seen if this will be the case in Paris Hilton’s matter.

Martin Garvus, a First Amendment attorney says he plans to file the breach of contract suit by the end of next week.

Imus was quoted as calling the women’s Rutger basketball team “nappy headed hoes” on his nationally syndicated radio show.

Garvus cited a contract clause where CBS acknowledged that "Imus’ services were unique, extraordinary, irreverent, intellectual, topical, and controversial.” The clause said that Imus’ programming was “desired by the company and consistent with company rules and policy.”

Hilton’s lawyer, Howard Weitzman, says that he will appeal the Judge’s sentence calling it “inappropriate, uncalled for and bordering on the ludicrous.” “I think she was singled out for who she is.”

The sentence is completely out of line with what any average citizen would receive for driving on a suspended license. Generally speaking a minimal fine and no other sanctions would be imposed.

The fault, if there is any, lies on her defense team and her publicist, Elliott Mintz.

Her lawyers and her publicist could easily have headed the problem off by making sure that she was enrolled in the court required alcohol awareness program and had her license re-issued before the hearing.

It appears that her high profile lawyer and publicity representative failed to do the minimal necessary to protect their client’s interests.

Hilton will be able to appeal the Judge’s sentence to a Superior Court Appellate Panel, and if there is any justice left in Los Angeles, the sentence should be stricken.

The testimony at the hearing outside the jury’s presence seems to contradict Dr. Lee’s official report.

Prosecutors believe that what Dr. Lee seized was a fingernail which may tend to prove that there was a struggle before the shooting.

Dr. Lee is presently in china.

The Prosecution is expected to ask for severe sanctions against the defense if it shown that the lawyers and/or their agents purposely withheld evidence.

The lawyer that was being questioned on Thursday, Sara Caplan, said that she saw Dr. Lee pick up the item whatever it was and put it in a vial.

Lee has said in his official report that the only things he recovered were two white threads and some carpet fibers.

The hearing will continue on Monday.

Yesterday, May 2nd and today May 3rd the Court heard pre-trial motions regarding an accusation that Spector’s defense team was hiding evidence obtained at the crime scene the day after the death of Lana Clarkson.

A former law clerk for famed defense attorney, Robert Shapiro accused Phil Spector’s defense team of hiding a piece of evidence found at the scene of the actress’s death.

In a special hearing, the former law clerk said that a group of defense attorneys and experts including renowned forensic scientists, Dr. Michael Baden and Dr. Henry Lee were at the pop music producer’s foyer the day after the shooting when a lawyer spotted a “quite small white object” that the police had overlooked in the carpet.

No tooth fragment was turned over to authorities as law requires, and the Coroner has said that all the victim's teeth were accounted for.

Spector’s defense team vigorously disputed the testimony of Gregory Diamond who now works as a writer and television producer. They suggested that he had concocted a lie to profit from the high profile trial.

In a brief appearance on the witness stand the pathologist insisted that the incident never occurred and said he did not even remember Diamond’s presence at Spector’s home. Baden who is married to one of Spector’s attorneys, Linda Kenney-Baden, said that he had never been accused of manipulating evidence in a crime scene in his 47 years of professional work.

Neither the jurors who are due back Monday, nor Phil Spector himself, were present during these two days of hearings.

In testimony late today, it appears that Dr. Henry Lee may have discovered the white object in question and did not turn that object over to the prosecution. If this is found to be true, some form of sanction could be imposed upon the defense.

Floyd County DA Leigh Patterson will go forward with the prosecution…if there is one.

It appears from Buzz Franklin’s letter that the evidence thus far produced points to Sam Parker as the perp.

There is no statute of limitations on a murder in Aruba, just in the U.S. So there is no need for the investigation to be rushed.

The jurors were ordered back at 1:30 pm to begin the inquest, however, before the Inquest commence, another attorney by the name of Wayne Monroe, who is the President of the Bahamian Bar Association and who also represents Howard K. Stearn, was allowed to address the court.  Monroe argued that it would be “reckless” to begin the Inquest before the supreme Court had ruled on the issue.

Judge Gomez reversed his earlier ruling and postponed the commencement of the hearing until April 11, 2007, allowing Monroe to petition the Supreme Court.

It appears that Howard K. Stearn's attorneys are doing everything possible to protect their client's interests and potential criminal liability.  While many of the media's talking heads will complain about a perceived delaying tactic, the legal maneuvers made by Stearns' lawyers are strategically sound.

In a separate matter, regarding the paternity of Dannielynn ,  the Island’s Court of Appeal will hold a hearing today.  The court had originally ordered a swab for DNA of the baby but Howard K. Stearn appealed and the court has granted  a stay until the conclusion of today’s hearing. 

The real question to be determined by the Appellate Court is what presumption(s) will be relied upon to determine paternity.  It is not a forgone conclusion that the courts will order or rely upon DNA testing.

Anna Nicole Smith's frequent expressed wishes that Larry Birkhead have nothing to do with raising the child seem to have been forgotten in this paternity exercise.  Similarly it was quite clear that Anna Nicole Smith did not want her mother Vergie Arthur to raise the child.

If Anna's wishes are relevant at all, Howard K. Stearn will be the individual that would raise Dannielynn.

Once the Bahamian Appeals Court rules on the lower courts order for paternity testing the question of paternity and the placement of Dannielynn in the custody